I learned a long time ago to take control of my life, decide what’s important to me and what’s not, and plan things out including time to relax/vacation/disconnect (by which I mean everything from taking an hour break at lunchtime, to deciding to go out for a hike on Sunday, to taking a three-week snowboarding trip). The biggest problem will always be others trying to manipulate you to do things that they want you to do; you have to learn to be direct and say “no”. You also have to learn to deal with “doing what is expected of you” / “doing what is socially acceptable” / “keeping up appearances”; you have to decide what you’re going to do and not let these things drag you down.

Sorry… that isn’t really advice, or five top-tips for organizing your schedule, or how-to-deal-with-demanding-people… its just a bit of a harsh statement to f*ckin’ take control of your life and be confident in your decisions.

I have “Do Nothing” days. It’s really the only way I survive, honestly.

During many parts of the year, my job and home lives are extremely hectic and stressful. Whenever I can, I designate a “do nothing” day, which helps my brain actually take advantage of resting that day without thinking “omg I need to do this, and this, and this”, etc. Usually it ends up being a Saturday, and while I’d love for it to be weekly, I’d say I have them more like twice a month or so.

The rules for a Do Nothing day are that I Do Not Do Anything Important, I don’t even leave the house - just chill, play video games, read, craft, garden, watch TV, sleep, etc. Whatever feels right. It makes picking back up with the stress the next day much easier to handle. Plus, I find it’s really hard for me to ever relax even when I do have a moment to do so, so I would usually waste all that time anyway throughout the week just straight up worrying about what I should be doing. At least by doing this I combine all that time into one day, and I actually use it to relax!

I am 51, married, we both work full time, my wife’s job is far more demanding in stress and hours but I am at a senior level working 9-5 mostly.

We own a home and our one kid is in elementary school.

I have systems I use at work and home to track everything in responsible for with deadlines if they need deadlines.

I don’t overdo my at home productivy. It’s largely governed by family priorities and I get very, very little discretionary time.

Stress affects me on a few levels. I have chronic illnesses that are aggravated by it and a history of letting it get out of hand. I’m getting too old to be stressed out guy now so I have learned to recognize when I’m stressed, how it is negatively affecting me and those around me, and then how I can take five and cool off.

I also get nicely toasted (legally) on a very low dose of THC with CB-whatever (trying cbn for sleep now) about an hour before bed and spend some time by myself (I go to bed last) just being “me”. I write a page of fiction (don’t ask, it’s crap, just for me) or journal a little or so some quiet tidying, etc. That really helps. I also need it to help my sleep so it’s a double benefit.

Poorly

Try not to view spare time as the absence of plans. It should be specifically booked in and not cannibalised by other things.

As others have already mentioned, break your big tasks down into smaller operationalised tasks. Spending time to plan things isn’t wasted.

Also, it’s hard to grasp this myself but I try to live by it: everything will be ok, everything is fixable. Avoid worrying about things too much.

Not the answer I want to give but the honest answer is alcohol, video games, tv with my wife, sex, and tiktok. Anything that turns my brain off once I decide I have done enough work for the day. It isn’t a great way to live and I hope to get out of it after I pass my prelimary exams.

Learn to say “no” and deligate other tasks to someone else. You deserve time to yourself and for yourself.

Meditation has helped me get through a lot. I like Shinzen Young’s methods myself. He’s got a lot of content on YouTube that’s worth a watch if that’s a path you want to try.

Find people to talk to. If you can multitask taking to them while doing something, do it. But if you can give a good conversation some dedicated time it helps.

There’s ‘serious’ talk like a therapist, but even just basic ‘whatever’ talking with friends and acquaintances helps me get out of my own head.

Proper sleep, stay hydrated, exercise, cuddle a dog, meditate, find a peaceful relaxing hobby that allows you some peace and quiet.

“Meditate for an hour every day unless you are too busy. In that case meditate for two hours.”

I use the Ten Percent Happier app, but only their Basics I and Basics II series. At least the first and maybe both should be free in the app

Despite the quote, once you have developed a meditation habit you really only need 5 minutes to find some centre

Sitting down in the shower 🚿 for an hour or two.

The thing is you can always do more and be even busier. The whole “work now, play later” works in childhood, but it’s not realistic in adulthood. There’s always more to do. If you feel like you need a break, take that time off for yourself. If you don’t, your body will take that time off for you, if you like it or not, and it will probably be more time that you would have spent having fun. When you do take time off, try to focus on your free time and don’t focus on the stuff you still need to do. Allow yourself to not think about work. Relaxing is important.

Videogames, usually single player classics from the 2000s

Mostly by copious amounts of cannabis and alcohol, volunteering or side projects, doomscrolling c/collapse, and not having much choice.

…plus maybe a little shitposting.