For me, it used to be my career. Without going into detail, it was a public service type occupation where I could really help people. However, I was battling depression, anxiety, and addiction, and after being hospitalized and jailed multiple times, I lost that career. Even while I was going through all that dark stuff, I felt great at my job helping people, and I feel like I was good at it.
Now, I have a different career that I still feel good about doing, but I can never shake the feeling that I’ll somehow mess this one up too, eventually. My doctor told me I have to be active, so I took up longboarding. I still have bad depression with frequent bouts of suicidal thoughts, but when I’m on a bicycle or longboard, that’s the only time I feel really at peace with myself. I wish I could feel like that all the time.
Do you have things you do that make you feel like that? Like you’re really free?
writing!
I do collaborative writing with my partner (who has been the light in a lot of darkness for me) but also just…working on characters, developing new worlds, putting together music playlists for them and pinterest boards. It’s escapism at it’s finest but I’ve been told I’m good at it when I share my writing, it’s been my source of pride since I was a kid. when the words are flowing, I can easily get lost in them, like everything bad is gone for a while.
I’m glad you can still find peace in things, and I hope you can find more ways for that feeling to be enjoyed.
Writing is beautiful. I used to write poetry to cope with things. I rarely showed anyone, and I don’t think I was good, but I didn’t do it for anyone else.
I threw those notebooks away, and I wish I hadn’t.
the lovely thing about writing is “good” is extremely subjective, and only matters to the reader. if you’re only writing for yourself, you’re not there to people please, you’re just there for you. I don’t share my writing much anymore, aside from writing with my partner, or in some cases, for them.
I threw out some of my old writing too, and desperately wish I could have it back. but, there’s never a bad time to start up again and create something new, even if it’s just to test the waters. just something to think about. I always support people using writing as a coping mechanism.