Ah, the new American dream!

Absorption method:

• open textbook

• place forehead on paper

• fall asleep

• absorb information while unconscious

My response is even harsher…“Yeah, no, I’m finding a way to never use this company’s services ever again.” Easier said than done, but I don’t even want to associate with places that shove this in my face.

So, what is the difference between this approach and just selling an extended warranty?

That’s the spirit!

The nice thing about being a pessimist is that you are always either right, or pleasantly surprised.

“It’s a moo point. Like a cow’s opinion, you know, it just doesn’t matter.”

I was trying to think how this could be enforced. It actually makes sense when you frame it this way, didn’t think about the parent side. “Sorry Karen, that’s the law! Your kid week get her phone back in a week!”

October 2025 me: what the hell, why didn’t anyone tell me about this before!?!

Someone recently told me they bought a “vintage truck”. I asked them what year the truck was made, expecting something from the 60’s or so…but apparently 1985 is vintage now. 😟

Ah, I see you have studied and understand the complexities of corporate finance. Well done, let’s give our CEO a 2,000% raise to celebrate!

-Corporate board somewhere, probably

A wild Mitch Hedberg appears! Have my updoot.

It’s here to stay…for only $3.99 per month! *

*cost for monthly subscription only. Excludes fees for sending and receiving messages. Chat and others services extra.

Anyone want to take a bet, this is where we will be in 5 years?

Hey, low QA crap isn’t a fair assessment. I recently bought something that had absolutely NO QA behind it.

Upgrade to the ultra deluxe ad free premium plus platinum subscription for an additional $3.99 per month and you can unlock the remote wipe package too!

Ah yes, I see the problem. They don’t know where their bootstraps are!

Just purchase the ad free premium plus platinum subscription for offline mode, only $12.99 per month!

If it had DRM it was not very good, that’s for sure! I still own it, but it’s in storage about 1700 miles away.

I miss my Dreamcast 😭